Sometime around 3am today I woke up and had a realization. Most people who wake out of their sleep that early have epiphanies, but not me! No, I had a realization. I realized that in two years I will be thirty-five.
I’m not sure why the idea of being two years older woke me out of my sleep. Turning thirty-five isn’t a big deal, right? I was fine turning twenty-five. I was even fine with turning thirty. So, why is it bothering me to the point of restless nights?
Maybe it’s because I hear myself often say that music nowadays isn’t as good as it was when I was younger. Maybe it’s because I think kids today are dressing way too old for their age. Maybe it’s because the other day a teenager asked me, “How are you, ma’am?” When did I become a ma’am? I wanted to tell him to not call me ma’am, but that’s like telling someone to not be polite and you hardly hear children, let alone teenagers, use ma’am anymore. So, I just accepted being a ma’am and told him I was fine.
Of course, after that I had to go home and look in the mirror. Am I really starting to look my age? I was always happy that I looked younger than what I really am. Has time finally caught up with me? I don’t have wrinkles or gray hair (ok, maybe that one strand that I’ve had for years) and I still shop in the junior section (hey, don’t judge me), but I do notice a change. I see an older me. Not older to the point where I’m unrecognizable, but older to where I see that I have lived.
Is thirty really the new twenty? Is age really just a number? Am I really as old as I feel? No, no, and no! Do I just say that to make myself feel better about aging? Yes, yes, and yes! Thirty is still thirty. Age is more than just a number because getting older comes with more responsibilities. I am as old as I really am and there is no fountain of youth to change that, at least not yet.
So, why such a big deal with turning thirty-five? I guess it shouldn’t be such a big deal. I’m still the same person I was five, ten, and even fifteen years ago. My point of view may have changed on a few things and I have more responsibilities, but I am the same old Kendra who loves spending time with friends and family. I’m the same old Kendra who loves a good laugh and to make others laugh. I’m the same old Kendra who closes one eye when watching scary movies and laughs at corny movies. I’m the same old Kendra and I will always be Kendra! Time nor age can change that, so I guess turning thirty-five really isn’t all that scary.